The six deadly sins of the Black Woman

Black women are moving forward in Education and in life in general. We are witnessing a new revolution that may change the course of social history. Remember I said "may” the reason why I say this because despite our accomplishments, we have been slacking in areas and I will break it down. But the disclaimer is I need you to read this entire post before making any judgments. Here are some things that are hindering us and if we change course, we will be on top!

Deadly sin #1: Attracted to negativity

As a blogger, I write all kinds of content that I feel will inform and also uplift. I check my stats to see what content attracts my readers. If I write a post about improving something. My numbers are low. But if I write a post about the fails of black men or gossip, my numbers are high.

To start on the road to becoming the new you, be informed, but also seek out content that will improve you as a person. Any content that will help you to improve your financial, health and mental health situation. Eat better, meditate, mediate MEDITATE!!!!! Learn to take time to be by yourself. Stop complaining. Look for solutions. Stop gossiping about the girl at work or your neighbor. Take energy on improving yourself. Your life will thank you.

Deadly sin#2: Thinking that white men are the solvent to your romantic life

It is wonderful that black women are finally dating out. Breaking the shackles of black oppression and exploring their options. But at what cost? there are sites that actually make like dating a white men is end all, be all of life. They neglect to help black women face potential challenges when dating a white man in America. Black women who have never dated a white man have unrealistic expectations of white men. They think that when they date a white man. They will date a rich, loving man that will tend to their every need. However, there are a number of variables that will contradict these beliefs. With the sensitive racial history we have with whites in this country. Even in 2014 there are taboos to dating one another. We are still seen as second-class citizens. So one has to question the motives of a white man dating a black woman in this country. For one, we are still fetishized as these over-sexualized vixens that are walking sex toys. Look at Bill Maher, who has a very successful show. And dates multiple black women and nothing else. He never address his preference but when asked if he will ever marry, he has stated "I’m likely to get struck by lightning then for that to happen" and look at Simon Cowell. He was in a long term relationship with several black women, only to finally have a son with a white woman. Some cases we are good enough to have sex with and that is all else. Not saying all men are like that. But in my experience, European men are less affected by the stereotypes that has been place on black women in this country. Plus, they are more mature and worldly.

Another problem with this is that with the state of black men now. One does not want to admit that we have a hand at making them the men that they are. Black women have coddled black men to the point that they don’t feel the need to be men to or for us. Now that we have a clean slate to work with, we are bringing those same attitudes with us. Do not coddle men when you date out. Have standards and not accept anything. White and Asian women do not accept anything less than a man that has himself together. When I used to date white American men and ask them why they want to date black women they would say "white women are too snooty and want their ass kissed" that was a red flag for me. to me, that is a man saying that a woman wants to much. Having a good job, education, and catering to your woman is snooty???? It’s scary but apparently the White American man already knows that black women will take anything. We certainty allow men to impregnate us and not get married so what else do we accept?? Its time to take a page out of the Asian/White handbook. They seem to get the husband in no time so we need to know how and why and do the exact thing. We need to also aware that the white men are like that for a reason. They had women that will not accept just anything. But at the same time, not assume that a man will be perfect. You will attract what you allow to attract. Leave those old attitudes of undying loyalty behind and have standards!

Deadly sin#3 Jealousy: A lot of us do not like or want to admit it. But there is a great amount of jealousy between the sisters. Do you know now people are getting mad that women with looser curls that claiming the natural hair movement? I'm one of them. Been natural all my life. But By no means do I think my hair is better than someone’s hair that is kinky. Aside from that, we divide based on color and what we think is prettier than us. There will always be someone prettier, faster, smarter, younger and more. You have to admit that you have jealousy, and when you discover this, you have to make you the best person you can be. Nothing is stopping you from learning a new language or skill. Getting that new hair cut or start a workout routine. If there are people that you think are doing better than you. Study them, find out what makes them great and become that.

Deadly sin#4 Attitude: They always say some stereotypes have an element of truth to it and this one is dead on. I don’t know if it’s because I live in New York, but my goodness if I ever seen so many mean mugging women in my life! I’m not saying that you need to have a cheese grin on your face every waking minute, but try at least to smile, be cordial. Not always have to snap back with a smart ass answer. I make it a point to say please and thank you all the time to everyone. I smile and greet people. And it’s contagious! People respond in kind usually. Also I see myself as an ambassador of the black woman’s image, you should too. I want people to think about those stereotypes and think “well I have seen some black women with nice attitudes, class etc.” I’m always conscious about how I carry myself outside. I understand that black women go through a lot. I have been there trust me. But you need to meditate, pray, go to the spa and distress. Do not bring that energy with you to work or to the public. It will not get you anywhere. And if you encounter a person with attitude, do not respond in kind. Say a prayer for them and move on. Hopefully they will find their enlightenment. But men constantly say we are acerbic and rude while the Asian woman is hailed as the most feminine. Let’s turn this misconception around ladies!!

Deadly sin#5 Lack of financial security: we work hard and there is nothing wrong with a little leisure fun at times. But buying all the name brands will just make someone else richer. Competition for homeownership is at an all time high. The immigrant community works hard as a unit to own. Yet we as black people are so busy fighting and proving we are better than the next, we are left starting where we left off. Ownership is substantial in this country. What is the point of renting for the rest of your life??? It’s time to save money for a rainy day. Several rainy days. Get your credit right. Learn to do your nails. I did. Skip a extravagant vacation. Keep the name brands to a minute. I do not wear name brands. But you would never know it. I dress well. And while my friends and colleagues are bragging about the new jimmy choos and I-phone. My bank account looks VERY pretty. I own nothing to anyone and when I’m ready, I will make my purchase and start renting my damn self!

Deadly sin#6 having to many kids: I have noticed that especially when black women get married. They think its license to have tons of kids. I know of one woman that had 6 kids after she got married. And do we need to mention before? Children are wonderful. However, they are very very very expensive. Along with the emotional support they need. They are a huge responsibility. In order for the next generation of girls and especially boys to become the best they can be. They need to be in a stable environment. Life is unpredictable in so many ways. We have no idea how the economy will pan out. You really cannot depend on a man being there to help raise a child to adulthood. So why have more than one? What I see all the time is black women being so mean to their children, yelling at them and hardly ever nurturing them. It is because they are stressed. So if you are not going to be able to give a child all the love they need and financial back up. Then please. Do not have one. The goal is to improve on the race, not add another statistic.

Look, I’m not here to bash. But I feel that these issues needed to be addressed for the betterment of black women. We cannot talk about natural hair care and what black guy is fucking up at the moment. The goal in the black women’s movement is improvement and that is what I want for you!

tips about being positive:

http://regulatingthegamenow.blogspot.com/2011/03/your-perception-and-energy-is.html

Tips on getting your money straight

http://regulatingthegamenow.blogspot.com/2014/03/now-is-time-to-get-your-money-right.html

Tips about combating jealousy

http://regulatingthegamenow.blogspot.com/2011/02/never-let-green-eyed-monster-get-you.html

 

Post about how friends affect your environment

 

http://regulatingthegamenow.blogspot.com/2011/02/toxics-friends-they-may-be-reason-you.html